At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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