He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
