Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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