My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
