my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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