So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
whose parrot is this?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
