Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
