I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
