All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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