Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
