i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
