It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
