It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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