come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
