I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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