Kareoke will never be a sober sport
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
