I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
