Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
