The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
