Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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