I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
