Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize