I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
