I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
