just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
