No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
