the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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