how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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