At least make sure they are 18
Why
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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