Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
