The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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