She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
