My girlfriend figured out who you are.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
