Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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