I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
