remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
