So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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