Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
