BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
