all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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