Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Dignity is for republicans.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
