I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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