hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
