i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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