Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
