the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
