The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize