i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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