just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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