Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
