is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
