do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I deserve this hangover.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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