Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
