i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
