Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
