i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
