Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Everything about him screamed your future.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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