Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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