Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
