I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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