Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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