Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
