Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
