just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
