Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
