I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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