Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
